Let’s not fool ourselves … there are sadly very few women involved in the audiophile hobby. I would be shocked, if we did a study of 1,000 people who attended one of the growing number of regional audiophile shows, we could find 10 women in attendance. The audiophile hobby has been run by men since its inception. However, does that mean that women don’t like music, audio or technology? They absolutely do. Women love listening to music and often they can, even stereotypically, hear a little better than men. The problem is that, historically, the hobby has been vaguely based around men chasing some obscure, messy and often elusive technological goal in a messy, not-very-social environment. That often doesn’t appeal to women and we could use some new people to be involved with the hobby. How about 50 percent of the human population as a new demographic? That seems like a good place to start …
With huge, pending demographic changes coming to the audiophile hobby in the next five years, perhaps it is time to look at putting to rest some of our worst audiophile traits and hobby traditions. Perhaps it is time to bring an entire gender into our hobby, and make them partners in the joys of audiophilia – not an impediment to growing and/or enjoying a killer music playback system.
You think this is impossible? Anybody can understand your skepticism. The fact of the matter is that involving your partner or spouse in the joy of listening to music is absolutely doable, as well as a very smart idea. I’ve got examples from the modern world that are quite encouraging.
Promoting Wife Acceptance Factor for Audiophiles – Tip Number One: Make Your Listening Room Approachable
Far too often, an audiophile listening room looks like the inside of a North Hollywood recording studio at 6:00 AM after Mötley Crüe has been in for an all-night “recording” session. Gear is often strewn here, there and everywhere. The lighting can get set to “porn mode,” which is way too bright. Cables are anything but hidden or organized. Often. seating positions are arranged for only one listener, and that furniture is anything but appealing to your spouse, let alone houseguests. That’s all going to be somewhat off-putting to non-enthusiast music lovers.
Some psychologists say “to gain control, you must give up a little control,” and this is a great way to get your spouse involved in your audio system. In the going-on-20-years that my wife and I have been married, I’ve always done the interior design in our various homes. I never really thought about it until a recent discussion this summer. My wife wanted to feel more a part of the home, specifically its interior design, and I enthusiastically gave her the green light. For example: we bought a sofa at the height of COVID from Room and Board, a retailer that we like, but the sofa just sucked. It was too deep and, while long enough, there were two sections of the sofa that we couldn’t sit on, which left us at opposite sides of a long seating option in the living room. We spent good money on this “spec purchase” sofa, but it wasn’t getting the job done, so I put it up on Craigslist and found a young Gen Z engineer from Space X who came over with his girlfriend (and their dog) to get the sofa. We replaced the old sofa with something that we already had from IKEA for the short term, but my wife is now researching better seating options as I type. I get a say in the final sofa decision, but she’s doing all of the research, thus becoming part of one of the most important parts of the listening process – your seating arrangements. It is very unlikely that I won’t agree to whatever my wife ultimately picks out, as long as is is comfortable for all people involved and not too crazy expensive.
In the nearer-term, my wife has added a bunch of plants to the living room (listening room) area, which really softens the look of the speakers in the location. The new self-watering plants (I think she got them at Costco, of all places) have been a nice addition. They diffuse sound, which is an acoustical advantage, but they also help hide my GIK Acoustics Turbo Bass Trap, which an even better advantage, but the best plus is that my wife has become a just a little bit more involved with my system, and that is likely the biggest victory.
Bringing your life partner into decisions that are made about your audiophile system gives them some agency on what you do with your system. Creating a seating situation that accommodates them and possibly some guests can make your audiophile system a way to bring music into your life for you, your family and hopefully your guests. The idea that the hobby is just about some dude listening with his head in a vise while in a darkened room with his speaker cables up on a saw horse is pretty damn antiquated.
Promoting Wife Acceptance Factor for Audiophiles – Tip Number Two: Play Relatable Music
Do you know what music that your wife listens to? Does she? We all get stuck in musical ruts, but where would you start to listen if you were trying to get your wife involved into your hobby? Does she like Beyoncé, Taylor Swift or GWAR? I don’t know your wife or girlfriend, so that one is on you, but what if you did some research on what she likes to listen to and then play her music on your system to test where there are some great recordings? For example, Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter album is a most gorgeous recording, with a Beatles cover on it, and lots more for everybody in the house to enjoy. What other gems could you find and present to her so that she experiences what her favorite music sounds like on a good system? That would be a good research project when you’re listening on your own, and then you can play said tracks back from a handmade playlist that you crafted. It is like a modern-day mix tape, without the cassette deck needed.
This is a tuned-in and attentive way to bring value to your partner from your high-end audio system. Someday, when you want to invest a little more hard-earned money into your system, if your significant other sees the value – there might not be as much resistance.
Promoting Wife Acceptance Factor for Audiophiles – Tip Number Three: Look at Speakers Like Furniture (Not Just Tech)
Often audiophiles focus nearly all of their attention on the performance of their components and speakers. While performance is first and foremost, on our upgrade list demands, the look of components (especially speakers) can make the upgrade process or audiophile journey more relatable.
When I was a young man selling high-end audio gear in Beverly Hills, I was able to sell nearly $13,000 (that was very expensive in the early 1990s) Wilson WATT PUPPY 3/2 speakers for a number of reasons. You didn’t need a lot of power to drive them. They were really well-built and had a very reasonable, physical footprint. but what was most trick about Wilson speakers in terms of spouse appeal was that they had a paint booth at the Wilson factory. That meant that you could exactly color-match your speakers to any car ever made. Realistically, you could pain- match anything that you could find in the world, and Wilson can make your speakers that color.
Much like one might fret over the bespoke details of a special-order Ferrari in the years before it is built and delivered, bringing your spouse into the conversation about how to outfit your high-performance (but also luxury) loudspeakers is a way to give them some emotional ownership in your speakers and the design details of something that you are passionate about. That level of involvement can lead to more opportunities to engage with your system in ways that your partner is more inclined to enjoy.
Promoting Wife Acceptance Factor For Audiophiles – Tip Number Four: Play Your System For Others (Not Just Yourself)
Who decided that an audiophile system is supposed to be for some dude sitting by himself in his special chair with joint lit and Dark Side of the Moon spinning on the old Oracle turntable? That’s an outdated way to consume audio.
Generation X, my generation (aka: the ones after Baby Boomers) are most stereotypically known for our absurd work ethic and specific lack of work-life balance. We have spent every moment of the past 30 years in front of some sort of electronic device that emits blue light, and we are starting to resent them. I don’t read books on my iPad, as I only read them in print format, often with a clip-on amber light that isn’t so stressful. I purposefully do not have my Apple Mail application installed on my music iPad, as I don’t want to get involved in the same stressful behavior that I have during my work day. The reality is that Generation X, a small demographic in terms of volume when compared with Boomers on one side and Millennials on the other, are the likely folks who will carry the audiophile hobby forward in the coming years and decades, thus it is will be our challenge to put some of the bad audiophile stereotypes to rest.
Imagine the positives of inviting some friends over and having mock/cocktails or appetizers before going out in a way that meshed with listening to music on your audiophile system. Nobody needs to be doing 100 dB demos that have that “aha” moment, but the idea that groovy vibes and positive human interactions come from your audiophile system builds its overall value in the home and in your life. An audiophile system isn’t a tool to show your friends how you found your own “audio Jesus” or some quirky secret to the best possible sound playback. Your audio system can also be a bit of a statement about appreciating art, having a little bit of work-life balance and an association with your closest friends through music. With streaming as accessible as it is now, you can take requests and get people involved if they want. If not, there is plenty of value having your audiophile system rock out quietly in the background.
Some Final Thoughts on Wife Acceptance Factor in the Audiophile Hobby …
The real issue is the concept that an audiophile system is all about you and you listening by yourself, making a significant investment that isn’t very much fun for your partner. Involve your partner. Involve your kids. Make music a part of your life and home as inclusive activity – not a solo one – and don’t be shocked to see the whole wife acceptance issue resolve itself. Jim Swantko has done this with his wife, and she’s fallen in love with the hobby. Together, they’ve shopped for Rockport speakers and CH Precision and Weiss electronics in 2024, which is some serious A-list, uber-expensive gear. Dawn Swantko can hear the differences between the highest-performance types of gear, and now understands the appeal of the upgrade process in the hobby. Today, Dawn is as likely to suggest a system upgrade as Jim is. That’s wife acceptance factor, FutureAudiophile.com style.
Tell us how you and your significant other engage with your system (if at all). Could you involve more people into your audiophile hobby? Do you think others would understand our passion for the hobby more if they were more involved? Comment below. We love to hear from you!!! (we will moderate your comment quickly).
